Stick to Sports…Or Maybe Just Stick It

Thanks to Huffington Post blogger Lev Raphael for bringing it to my attention that Mitch Albom is talking again. Frankly, I thought he was dead. Guess I was wrong.

Raphael’s article Mitch Albom Thinks Marriage Equality Undermines Marriage does show that Albom is out of touch, though — but that I knew. Albom’s recent drivel uses (get this…) heterosexual divorce to argue against gay marriage:

“We live in a country where nearly half of marriages break up. And if you think that will be any different in gay marriages, think again. People are people. Fights, losing interest, losing passion, finding someone else — do you think this is the sole purview of heterosexuality?”

Way to go, Mitch. Well done.

I like the way Albom not-so-subtly reveals who his audience actually is.

“The only thing we can be certain of is that all of this will land in the U.S. Supreme Court soon. Meanwhile, can we at least agree that, no matter what we think of someone else’s marriage, we could all put more emphasis on our own?”

Sure, Mitch. Sure. All of the straight people who are allowed to have a marriage should put more emphasis on their own marriage, rather than writing columns that argue against the marriages that other people aren’t even allowed to have.

I’m particularly amused by Albom’s justification of the feelings and actions of all of the poor heterosexuals who have to deal with this issue.

“No wonder people are confused. In the end, folks just don’t want to feel threatened or bullied. Many gays have long felt bullied by society; many heterosexuals now feel bullied by a new ideology.”

Raphael responds to this asshattery by questioning how Albom “can even seem to buy into the false notion that people seeking equal protection under the law is a ‘bullying ideology’?” But Raphael is nicer than I am (which is perhaps at least in part why he writes for the Huffington Post and I do not). You see — bullying and metaphors are things that I know all about, and Albom’s statement here is nonsense. Why? Because those in support of gay marriage are not marauding around to steal lunch money from heterosexuals. Those in support of gay marriage are simply asking the bullies to return the lunch money that they have already stolen.

Albom himself admits that “I may never fully understand the same-sex marriage issue.” From what I can see, that’s probably true. And that’s why Albom should probably stick to sports. Or just stick it.

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